PTI: Turning Vices to Virtues

Published in the Express Tribune Blogs on the 16th of April, 2015

PTI

 

When Maryam Nawaz Sharif was appointed Chairman Prime Minister’s Youth Program, the act reeked of nepotism, despotism, cronyism and all other vile isms. Maryam was appointed, in all probability, because of being the Prime Minister’s daughter. It was a move typical of PMLN’s evil and dynastic ways. They ignored any and all qualified individuals for the position and chose daughter of the party president for an important post. How dare they.

Reham Khan has recently been appointed the Ambassador Street Children by Khyber Pakhtun-khwa (KPK) government. Behold the nobility that oozes from this profound feat of Pakistan Tehrik e Insaf (PTI). Now this is a trend that all parties should follow. Reham has not been appointed to the post because she is the Chairman’s wife, no Sir. It would be foolish, unreasonable, evil, anti-state and as good as worshipping satan, to believe such a biased and baseless assumption.

Reham has been appointed simply because she loves “street children”. It is a well kept secret that the KPK government held back on this appointment for a long while. They were actually going through a strenuous process of selecting the perfect candidate for this post. A team of highly qualified scientists and psychologists assisted the KPK government in this all important task. Blood samples were taken and analyzed, brain scans conducted, and behaviors observed. On the basis of lab results a few candidates were short listed; those who showed above 70 scips (scips is a recently discovered – by PTI scientists – unit to measure love) of love for street children. Psychologists interviewed shortlisted candidates and finally three candidates were picked and interviewed by the Chief Minister. To his utter surprise, he ended up picking Reham Khan, with 98 scips (highest ever in recorded human history). This was such a co-incidence that it amused the entire PTI leadership but they chose not to disclose this almost unreal occurrence.

Khan sahab was advised against this appointment by a few less enlightened members of PTI. But wise and selfless as ever, Khan sahab respectfully differed. In his infinite wisdom he opined:

“this dynastic politics has become an evil in our country. Although there is nothing inherently wrong in the trend itself, it owes its nasty repute to its adoption by evil parties. We must rid this practice of its evil reputation. For that we must adopt it, since once adopted by PTI any vice becomes a virtue”.

Being shown the light, all hailed Khan and the decision to appoint Reham Khan was finalized.

It is obviously dynastic when Maryam is appointed to a post by Nawaz Sharif, or when Bakhtawar or Asifa are appointed by Asif Ali Zardari. But when PTI does it, it is only merit and in the best interest of democracy, Pakistan, Muslim Umma, and all that is holy in the entire Universe.

Unfortunately, there are people who are criticizing this appointment, using it as the latest justification to question PTI’s claim of being different. These skeptics are all corrupt. Anyone who questions PTI’s ways is a corrupt, immoral, ignorant, misogynistic, treacherous, anti-Pakistan, satan worshipping hate monger.

I advise these lost souls to join PTI and be salvaged. Only when you join PTI, are you able to see the light and truth. There is no shame in admitting your flaws and making amends. If you are worried about being labeled a ‘lota’, don’t worry. It is written on page 34 of the PTI’s handbook on lotacracy that;

“any person who leaves a political party and joins another is a “lota”, regardless of what his intentions are and even if he does it for completely valid and cogent reasons, unless the party he joins is PTI.”

It is quite simple really. Since PTI is on such a high moral pedestal, as compared to everyone else, rules of gravity would not allow a lota to roll PTI’s way automatically. A lota would always roll with the slope and not upwards. So anyone who comes from anywhere is clean, patriotic and sincere as long as he is headed PTI’s way. Although, if at any time he chooses to leave PTI and join another party, he will have to surrender his cloak of sainthood at the exit and revert to being the devil he used to be.

I wonder what other political “evils” await transformation into noble principles at PTI’s hands. Shunning a member out of your party for disagreeing used to be dictatorial. But now, after Javed Hashmi’s eviction from PTI for speaking his mind, it is a democratic practice.

Not everyone can understand PTI, only those who believe and have seen the light, can. And they have an inherent right to bash those who haven’t yet seen the light. Only they know that even this bashing is in the best interest of the bashed, and in the best interest of Pakistan, Muslim Ummah and all that is holy in the Universe.

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