FIVE POTENTIALLY GREATEST, MOST NEEDED INVENTIONS

eureka

Following are five inventions that haven’t been invented yet but, when and if invented, have the potential to become the greatest inventions ever.

1. The Sense Checker.

Like the spell check feature in Microsoft Word that has saved many writers from embarrassing spelling mistakes over the years, we now need a ‘sense check’ feature in our brains. A software program that would automatically alarm us when nonsense emerges in our head and is headed towards our mouth. The upgraded sense check plus would have an added feature of automatic deletion; in case one chooses to ignore the warning it would automatically delete the nonsense from our memory ensuring that it never finds sound.

Probable customers: all idiots and that is a highly populated market.

2. Auto switch off mode in cameras and mics.

This invention would be very useful in case the sense check is never invented. It would be a feature in all the cameras and mics of the world, especially ones used by the news media, that would automatically switch off the device whenever the person in front of it is about to utter some nonsense. Despite the drawback that it would put most of our news media personnel and many a political party spokespersons out of jobs, it would still be worth it for the benefits it entails for general public, especially those who do not need the sense check application.

Probable customers: None, since nonsense is mostly what our media relies on for TRP.

3. Forehead Display.

Now this one is my favorite among all the inventions not yet invented. Imagine a screen on our forehead that displays our IQ, number and types of complexes we have and our levels of insecurity and ‘tharrak’ for the opposite gender. Not only would it make judging others – which seems to be our favorite hobby – easier, it would also save a lot of time wasted in ‘getting to know’ a person by talking to them. We would know enough about a person before they open their mouths allowing us to decide if we want that mouth to open at all. Women would be able to distinguish between ‘tharkis’ and non ‘tharkis’ and this would be the end for clever, not so obvious, under cover ‘tharkis’.

Probable customers: all women of the world who would want it installed in all the men of the world and some men.

4. Honesty slips.

In our world this may just be the most needed yet least wanted invention. It would entail installation of a small chip and machine in our necks. Whenever a person would tell a lie his neck would generate a white slip and written on that slip would be the actual truth. For instance if a person thinks you are an idiot and says to your face that you are the best leader this country could ever have, a slip will be printed out of  his neck saying: “that’s a lie, I actually believe you are an idiot, a dimwitted person and I only said it to be in your good books since you just won the elections”. Or if during a ‘jalsa’ a leader says that I will end corruption in 90 days or shoot down a drone, the slip emerges saying “I have no idea what I am saying but it appears to trigger applause and makes me popular so what the heck”.

Probable customers: Now this is tricky, everyone would want this installed in everyone else, but no one would want it for themselves.

5. Flash Reminders.

With our short term memory, we Pakistanis need this invention the most. Whenever we face a person who makes a statement that is in direct conflict with a previous fact or statement of his, an image would start flashing before our eyes saying “contradiction alert”  followed by the actual fact, or as the case may be, exact statement that was made.

This is bound to make a husband’s life a lot easier. Imagine you are having an argument with your wife on why you did not take her out to dinner on some special occasion THREE years ago (that’s what they do, they save the best for later) and you know there is a real good and genuine excuse lost somewhere in your memory but you just can’t find it. When she says “you didn’t  take me out and you had nothing better to do”, the “contradiction alert” message flashes and you are relieved, it says “you did have something better to do, your brother had an accident that day and you had to go to the hospital to stay with him”.

It would also refrain politicians from taking u-turns on their stance as the entire public would instantly catch and confront them.

Probable Customers: Everyone, except a few politicians and wives.

 

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